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You can call me anything, baby
It will not change me
I'll still be me .
CREATURE // BONES UK @bonesbandbones .
📸 by the talented @davesolophoto

A few mantras getting me through Cancer season: I am coming home to my body. It is safe to be in my body. I guide others back to their innate body wisdom. We all deserve to live fully embodied.⁠
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On retreat in Greece with the wonderful @camillewillemain, I released a lot of pain and trauma stored deep in my body. We journeyed with the goddess Medusa and felt into the atrocities inflicted upon our bodies, held in a safe container that gave us permission to be a victim. To mourn, grieve, scream, and writhe in the pain. To let the tears flow rather than forcing a smile. To finally say, this is NOT okay - instead of just pushing it down and pretending. I felt some of the most excruciating sensations I've ever experienced. But in finally going there, I was able to release so much of it. ⁠
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Now that I'm home, I can feel myself avoiding my embodiment practices again. Running away from having to experience that discomfort. Making excuses as to how I can just do it later. And when I forced myself to do it anyway today, I remembered why: there is still so much locked away in there. A few bodywork sessions and one trip aren't going to make generations of trauma magically disappear. Coming back home to our bodies is a daily practice. One that is so deep, so lush, so healing. If only we can sit with the discomfort.

This Solar Eclipse & New Moon in Cancer have me feeling quite tender, diving into the ocean of all my emotions. But the waters here aren't as crystalline as they were on the Greek island of Kato Koufonisi (pictured here). With a lot of gratitude for the time I spent in this beautiful and sacred place, I am learning to be okay with the murkiness that exists within me. With the OCD that creates so much fear in sharing my gifts openly and freely. Or the perfectionism that critiques my every move, trying to keep me small and safe. I am holding space for these "weaknesses," knowing that my inner child manifested these behaviors as a safety mechanism. I am doing my best to hold her, nurturing her through the fear and all of the major changes happening behind the scenes. May we all harness the energy of the Great Mother and hold ourselves with the utmost compassion. ⁠
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Anybody else feeling the heightened sensitivity? What's coming up for you around this moon? 🌊🌙🌊

What does it mean to truly surrender? This is the question that keeps coming up. It was my main intention throughout Greece and Turkey, and yet I still struggle to define what the fuck it even means. The funny part is, I'll never really know until I'm okay with that.

So while my mind tries to find comfort in the paradox of it all, I'm faced with more and more questions. Can I live with not knowing the answers? Could I allow myself to just be in the question? What am I supposed to do with all of the fear that lives here?

One thing I know is that the path of surrender is not linear. There's no guidebook or 5-step how-to's. No sequence of postures or carefully designed processes. In short, it is scary as fuck.

So I guess the real question is, how do I keep showing up? Am I capable of holding all this fear with love? Can I find compassion for the things that scare me most?

I hope you'll come explore these questions with me tomorrow, and dive into your edges on the brink of surrender. See you Sunday afternoon at @samarasacenter - 1:30-3pm!

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